Eternity
by angiepie111
Summary: "She recalled his parting words last time they were together: 'I missed you, Effy.' She thought maybe that meant he loved her after all, that he'd loved her all along even when he'd stopped trying to win her." Ceffy, cast cameos, & mentions Freddie.
1. Prologue

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**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, places, events or ideas used in Skins.**

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She hovered above him, mindlessly fucking him. She knew that if she felt she would cry. She heard his breaths shorten, until he finally climaxed. Effy rolled off him and lay in a naked, crumpled heap as he dressed.

'See you later, yeah?' his voice rang, and Cook was gone in a flash. Effy cried. Cried for Cook and how she loved him, cried for Freddie because he loved her best, and cried for herself because she had to choose. She knew she wanted Cook more. It had _always_ been Cook, ever since that first day at college. But he didn't love her, not really. Not like Freddie.

As Cook walked home he was left alone in his thoughts. He drew a cigarette from the packet in his pocket and as he lit up, his mind drifted to Effy. He never stuck around after they fucked. He wasn't going to end up with her anyway, so what was the point? He savoured the closeness he felt when they had sex, the way she called out his name and kissed his chest and dug her nails into his back. But she loved Freddie more, and Cook knew his days were numbered. He smelled her skin on his skin and grew angry with himself when he smiled. He headed straight for Keith's pub.

* * *

After Effy hit Katie with the rock, Cook was the only one there for her. She showed up at his dorm in the student housing block late in the evening, cigarette in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. Her eyeliner was smudged down her face from crying. She had hurt her friend. She had hurt Freddie's girlfriend. But it was an accident, and it was all so fucked up. No one believed her, and she didn't expect them to.

She didn't know why she had come to see Cook. She hadn't seen him since the other night at Gobbler's End and she hadn't properly spoken to him since the other day when they had last had sex. She knew that it was foolish to come here because she would probably leave feeling worse, but something made her gravitate here as she wandered the streets of Bristol. She took a swig from the bottle of vodka and wiped her eyes and nose. She knocked three times and stubbed out her cigarette.

Cook hadn't been expecting anyone, so he was surprised. He had stopped sleeping with Pandora weeks ago and no one else was talking to him anyway. He didn't even bother to get dressed; he just opened the door in his underwear, unashamed. He wished he had bothered once he saw who it was. Effy just looked at him silently.

'All right, peachy?' Cook tried to sound nonchalant but it didn't work. For the first time his voice conveyed concern, but Effy didn't notice. She didn't say anything. She just shook her head and stepped inside. Cook shut the door and walked over to where she was standing by the bed. 'What's happened, Eff? What's wrong?' Unable to respond, fresh tears sprung to her eyes. It broke Cook's heart a little to see her like that. He pulled her into a hug and they stood like that for a while, her crying into his neck, him holding her tightly and telling her everything would be okay.

'What's happened, Eff?' Cook asked again after a while. He held her at arm's length and studied her face. She looked miserable. 'Come on princess, you know you can tell Cookie.'

Effy looked down at the bottle of vodka still clutched in her hand and spoke, as if to the alcohol, 'at Gobbler's End, we ate 'shrooms, and I was- I was tripping and Katie attacked me, and I hit her in the head with a rock. I knocked her out, Cook. It was an accident, I swear, but I put her in a fucking coma! She needed nine fucking stitches! I've fucked things up with Freddie; no one will talk to me. Not even Panda is answering my calls.'

'Fuck everyone else, Eff! You and me, we're different. They just don't know how to party, ay?'

Effy looked depressed. She unscrewed the vodka and took a hearty swig before offering it to Cook. 'I need to get out of here,' she stated simply.

He gulped at the vodka. 'Let's go, then, princess.' Cook smiled. He didn't know why he was offering himself as a companion when he knew she didn't want him, not really. Effy nodded, offering her gratitude.

'Okay.' She wasn't sure what she was doing, but it felt right. She reached up and kissed him softly on the lips. She had never kissed him like that before. It was usually filled with lust and hunger and fire, never letting on how she truly felt about him. But this was different, and she couldn't quite place it. Cook was surprised, but he kissed her back. In that moment he thought she could see right through his façade to his true feelings.

* * *

After their outlaw tour of Britain, Effy had done what she thought was right, and gone with Freddie. She had spent their entire trip playing the role of his girlfriend but she knew it wouldn't last, because Cook didn't do girlfriends, and how long could they keep running away? She didn't know that Cook wanted to buy them a boat and get a job and make a life with her. She thought that, to him, their trip was just town after town, spliff after spliff, fuck after fuck. She never saw the love in his eyes or realised the way he had fought for her, first against Danny and later Freddie.

After their outlaw tour of Britain, she rarely saw Cook again until around the time of Freddie's disappearance and death. She had done well to forget Cook once she became Freddie's girlfriend. After all, she did love Freddie, and she knew Freddie loved her best. He treated her well and made her happy, but as she descended into her madness she knew that something was missing, and she began to think once more of Cook.

After their outlaw tour of Britain, Cook knew he wouldn't see much of Effy anymore. He tried to fill the void with alcohol, drugs and parties. He returned to fucking any girl that let him- anything to forget about loving Effy. It never worked, though, and he often thought of her. He never really expected to be with her despite always having a glimmer of hope. He prayed for a second chance.


	2. Small Sacrifices

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, places, events or ideas used in Skins. Wish I did.**

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Freddie had been gone for days. Effy thought that he would've come back by then, but he must have been really scared. She was worried. She also hadn't spoken to Cook since he'd saved her from the oncoming van, when she had kissed him. She knew she was with Freddie, yet she couldn't stop herself. Cook had looked so hopeful and it killed her a bit to say to him 'you're my friend'. Now, on top of everything, her boyfriend was missing and it was all her fault. It was his birthday and she showed up at the shed. She gazed around at all the things that reminded her of her Freddie, wishing for his safe and quick return. She felt at home here, where she and her friends had hung out and she had felt so happy. She smiled sadly. Effy froze in shock at the shed door opened to reveal a shirtless and puffed out Cook. They both stood rooted to the spot. _Not now, _Effy thought, _why does he have to do this now?_

Neither knew what to do. 'You fuck everything up again?' She said, more a statement than a question. Cook's simple reply of 'yeah' spread that familiar sadness through her once more. Despite everything that existed between them it was almost awkward to talk to him while standing there.

As he strode across the room she said 'it's his birthday today.'

'Yeah,' was his reply. 'You think he'd mind?' He asked her as he borrowed one of Freddie's shirts. She smiled her confirmation. 'Freds probably got scared. I'm pretty scary.'

'Yep.' Cook bit back a laugh.

'I can't not know,' Effy said. 'If he couldn't bear it, I can handle it. I think I can handle it.' She was the reason all of this had happened and she had to know that he was okay; she had to know why. She had fucked with Freddie's head for too long. She had to put an end to it.

This was one of the hardest things Cook had ever had to do. Harder than giving her up to his best friend. He forced himself to pull the note book from his pocket. He handed it to the girl he loved. He proved to her that Freddie loved her best.

* * *

The next day Cook showed up at Effy's house still wearing Freddie's shirt and slightly covered in dried blood. He knocked on the door with fervour and when Anthea answered he just dashed past her, up the stairs. He didn't even bother to knock before entering Effy's room. She was lying in a ball on her bed and hugging her giraffe, still wearing yesterday's clothes from Freddie's birthday party at the shed. She looked over to see Cook and was shocked by his appearance. He had blood on his nose, a bruised eye, Freddie's shirt was torn and bloodied, and he limped slightly. Cook didn't say anything. He just kicked off his shoes, walked over to the bed, and lay next to Effy. She turned around to face him and said 'what the fuck happened to you, Cook?'

Cook couldn't respond. He buried his face into her hair and they lay hugging each other. Effy had a horrible sense of foreboding. They lay like that for at least half an hour. She had almost fallen asleep in his arms when Cook whispered 'Foster killed Freddie.' Effy thought she dreamt it. She wished she had.

Later in the day Cook arrived at the police station to hand himself in for his involvement in Sophia's death and for beating John Foster to a pulp. He also told the officer at the front desk that Foster had killed Freddie McClair. Such a serious allegation was immediately looked into. That day was the last time Cook saw Effy for months.

Effy sunk back into depression and psychosis when she learned of Freddie's death because she knew he died for her and that she couldn't even give him her heart. She ached when she found out from Karen that Cook had beaten Foster for her despite the ramifications for his sentence time. She ached to know that Cook had been the one to discover that his best friend- the boy who loved her- was dead. She ached that Cook was going away from her for a very long time.

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**A/N So far just some back story to set up what is to come in the next chapter. How do you like it? Please leave me a review & tell me if you think it's worth continuing or not. I know at least 100 of you have read this so far, yet no reviews! So please do, it'll make my day! :)**


	3. Solitude

**Nice, longish chapter today. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything affiliated with Skins.**

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Four months, two weeks, five days. That was how long it had been since Effy and Cook had seen each other. Effy had intended to go to his sentencing but two days beforehand she had landed herself in hospital. That's where she'd been for the last two months, one week and four days. The day Cook told her about Freddie and left to hand himself over to the fuzz was the day the voices came back. It was almost as if they had never left. They came to her when she was lonely or sad and told her that it was her fault that her boyfriend was dead, that it was her fault that Cook was in gaol, that it was her fault that John Foster chose _her_ to prey on- all because she was weak. She let herself love and it only led to disaster. And so, two months, one week and four days prior, Effy had tried to kill herself again by getting hit by an oncoming van. Cook wasn't there to save her this time. She'd been under twenty-four hour watch in the hospital ever since.

Foster had survived his brutal beating only barely and was now paralysed from the waist down. He was charged with malpractice thanks to the statement Effy had tearfully given and, due to the overwhelming evidence Cook had discovered, charged with stalking, grievous bodily harm, and the first degree murder of Freddie McClair. Effy had heard when Karen came to visit her in hospital one day, that he had been sent to a high security prison and sentenced for twenty-one years and, thankfully, wasn't eligible for parole for seventeen years.

It was very hard for Effy to trust another doctor after the Foster fiasco. This was understandable considering everything she'd put into her relationship with the man was a lie. Those whole few months were a lie. The worst part was that she had forgotten who Cook was. She had gone and broken up with Freddie, but she couldn't even remember _who_ Cook was. She couldn't believe she had forgotten '09 Bonnie and Clyde.

Effy lay in her hospital bed looking out the window when a knock on the door signalled the arrival of her doctor who came to see her at the same time every day since she had been there. Amy, as Effy knew her, walked in and took a seat. The red haired doctor looked at Effy with smiling green eyes. They sat in silence, enjoying the morning sun shining through the window.

'I miss him.' Effy didn't speak much to the doctor, but when she did it was always something significant. They made progress with barely a few dozen sentences exchanged. It was amazing how much this woman could help by listening rather than trying to 'fix' her.

'It's natural to miss someone who has been taken from us so suddenly,' Amy replied. 'It's natural to miss someone no matter how much time we have with them before they leave us.'

'I fucked it all up,' Effy muttered to herself. 'It was _all_ my fault. I made it a game in the first place with that stupid fucking list, and they ended it with the race. He won.'

Amy didn't quite catch the second half of what Effy said. 'It's not your fault that a person took advantage of you, Effy. And it's not your fault that he took Freddie away from you.'

Effy felt guilty that she wasn't talking about Freddie when she should have been. It's not that she didn't think about him. She thought about Freddie every day. She missed him so much. But he wasn't coming back. She had said her goodbyes to him at his memorial months ago. She was beginning to close that wound. 'Cook,' she whispered, 'He took Cook away from me.'

'Well, Effy, you know that you can visit Cook any time you like! Maybe you might feel a little better if you pay him a visit. I bet he'd like that too.'

All this money Anthea was paying for a psych ward room in the best hospital she could afford, and all that the doctor could tell Effy was to visit Cook. Effy knew Amy was right. She had to visit Cook. She had to see him.

* * *

Gaol was a lonely place for a person like Cook. He was so used to always being the life of the party and having every one know his name (didn't matter if they liked him or not, as long as they knew he was _Cook_). The grey sky, grey walls, grey uniform, grey bed- everything was grey. He was so bored and so lonely. He didn't talk much to the other inmates. He was kind of any outsider- not _enough_ of a criminal to be accepted by the men that he lived with. He didn't mind though; he didn't want to talk to anyone anyway. He spent most of his time reading, working out, and sleeping, trying to prevent the inevitable: thinking. Yet his mind always drifted.

_Freddie_. He missed him so fucking much.

Every night, just before falling asleep, when his mind was at its most relaxed, thoughts of Freddie fell into his mind. Every single night. Freddie was the closest thing to a real family he had ever had apart from Paddy. He always thought back to what he had said to Freddie almost a year and a half ago after his outlaw tour of Britain with _her_:

'Nothing good ever stays with me; absolutely nothing.'

He thought about her even more than he thought about Freddie. He could avoid thinking about Freddie's murder for most of the day, but thoughts of her invaded his mind constantly. He had no control over it. She had just crept into his head that first day. 'Sweet' was all it took, and ever since then…

Effy. The way Cook missed Effy was the most painful kind because, unlike Freddie, Effy was still around and Cook yearned to see her and feel her and hear her- but he _still_ couldn't. He knew she had gone mental or something again, but he couldn't even help her. He hadn't spoken to her since the day he handed himself in.

Pandora had visited Cook twice before her and Thomas left for the USA (of course Thomas waited outside, refusing to talk to Cook) and Naomi and Emily visited often until they went to Goa. They'd sent a few post cards since then. Aside from this, his only connection to the outside world was Katie and JJ, who visited when they weren't busy with uni or work. A few times they brought tiny snippets of information that Katie had learnt from her regular visits to her unlikely friend, Effy, such as the name of her new doctor and how she was doing. When JJ told Cook the way Effy tried to kill herself again Cook had sort of shut down. When JJ came to visit him the next few times Cook refused to see him.

The sound of the lock sliding on his prison cell startled Cook from his reverie. He sat up, wondering what was going on.

'James Cook, you have a visitor.'

Cook slumped back down. 'If his name is JJ Jones, tell him I don't want to see him.'

The prison guard look surprised. The inmates usually jumped at the chance of visitors. 'I'm sorry, I'm not told the name of the visitors. You'll have to come see who it is for yourself. Do you wish to see your visitor or not?'

'Fuck it,' Cook said. 'Why not?' If it was JJ he could always tell him to fuck off in person.

The prison guard escorted Cook through the halls and when they reached the visitor's room, Cook sat at his designated table. He looked to the visitor's entrance to wait for JJ to walk through. Effy walked in instead.

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**A/N ARGHHHH! I found this chapter _so_ difficult to write. Took me ages. It was hard to catch up on everything that Cook had been up to/feeling without it being mumbo jumbo coz there was just so much I wanted to explain. I got a kitten yesterday and he keeps walking on the laptop, which has slowed the process haha. Anyway, finally the backstory is set out and we are onto plot plot plot! And their first meeting in months, oooooh.**

**PLEASE REVIEW to let me know how I'm going, what you think of it, and if you have any suggestions or things you'd like me to add in.**


	4. Visitation Rights

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything seen in Skins.**

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The wind went out of Cook like the calm before a storm. He was paralysed. He didn't know whether to stay or go but before he could decide, Effy had glided over and sat down opposite him at the table. She looked at him unsurely. There was a long silence. Cook had no idea what to say. He had spent every day since he'd been in gaol thinking about her and wondering what it would be like to see her next. He never imagined she would come to see him there. He had gone over dozens of scenarios (his favourite was where she professed her love for him then they shagged for twelve hours on pills) but he had never, not once, thought of this one.

'Effy.' He stared at her.

As if something cracked inside Effy, a smile began to form on her lips and before she could stop herself she was beaming genuinely at Cook, eyes shining.

'How's prison treating you?'

'It's a right laugh, innit? I'm always on me own and it's so fucking boring. But I don't need no one.' He lied. 'Heard you're back in the loony bin. How's that working out for you second time round?'

Effy would have been offended if anyone else had spoken about it to her like that, but not Cook. Under the layers of sarcasm and jokes she could hear the concern in his voice. She could see him looking concernedly at her withered body and pale skin. She liked that. 'I'm okay. I have a pretty nice doctor. She listens to me and she doesn't make me take lots of pills. Now I only have to take one a day instead of…' She paused to count on her fingers. 'Four pills three times a day.' Effy looked a little triumphant. _Take _that_ Foster, _she thought. 'She's helping me talk about all the stuff with Freddie and everything that happened with Foster. It's a bit wanky, but you know, it works.'

Cook reached across the table and took her hands in his. 'Listen Eff…about Freddie- I'm sorry it ended up like this. I really miss him too, and I know we both fucking loved him. I wish I could've come to the memorial, but they only let you out for family. 'Cause apparantly Freds wasn't my family.' He looked genuinely offended by the memory of the warden's decision. 'So duty called.' He gestured around the room. Effy's smile saddened but she wasn't sure if it was because of what Cook said about Freddie being dead or him being locked up. 'And I'm sorry for everything that happened with Foster, he was a right prick. But you know Freddie went there trying to protect you. Foster told me before I fought him. Freddie went there to tell him to fuck off.'

Eff squeezed their clasped hands. 'Thanks, Cook. I know Freddie was trying to help me. The book you gave me said it all. But he never could.' Of course Freddie could never help Effy; he didn't understand her. He didn't _know_ her. 'By the way, I'm sorry I never came to your trial. I'd just been readmitted to hospital, so I couldn't go anywhere.' Effy looked genuine. _Why would she care? The last time she showed up to my trial she was with _him, _to be with _him, Cook thought. His shook the idea from his mind.

'It's okay Eff, wouldn't have made any difference. All the same I ended up in this shit hole.'

Effy shrugged and looked at the clock. 'How long do you get for visits?'

'An hour. One hour every two fucking weeks. It's shit. Hardly get any news from the outside world.'

'Well we've still got fifty minutes left together. Why don't we take a walk outside? It's not raining right now.' Effy didn't wait for an answer, she stood and walked away, knowing Cook would follow the sway of her bony hips. Any boy would follow. It was _Effy_. Effy Stonem. Cook dashed to catch up with her and a prison guard overseeing their meeting followed, lurking a few metres behind.

They walked around the prison yard and across the damp lawns talking like it had only been a week since they'd seen each other and nothing horrible had ever happened to them, ever. They laughed like the oldest of friends and Cook felt life creeping into his body, like he might actually survive the monotony of that place. When he slung his arm around her shoulders and told her stupid jokes that weren't even funny, she laughed with all she had. She knew a spark was igniting in the pit of her stomach that couldn't be put out and that, one day, she might actually be happy again. She had him back, the Cook she knew and loved, the Cook who always made people smile.

Effy was sad when they only had a few minutes left together. They stood hugging for a long time and she didn't want to let go. Cook held her at arm's length and said 'Why _did_ you come to see me?'

'It was Amy's idea. She thought we both might like it.'

'Right. I like this doctor of yours…But _why_ did you come here?'

She ignored his question, looking away. After a brief silence she said 'I'll come visit you next visitors' day, yeah? It's been good catching up. Like old times. All we need now is a bottle of vodka and a club. Or a wardrobe to fuck in.' She smiled a little in reminiscence of when things between them were simple.

He looked at her in disbelief of her reply as she made to leave. 'Yeah,' was all he said. He sounded sullen. She heard the pain in his voice. It stopped her in her tracks.

Effy looked to the grey sky. _It's gonna rain soon_, she thought. She tapped her fingers on her opposite arm. 'Shit. Fuck.' She turned to face him once more, releasing the air she didn't know she was holding in and decided to cut her losses. 'I fucked everything up. You and Freddie. I had to see you. I had to know you're okay.'

'Effy, you haven't- you didn't do-'

'I've missed you, Cook.' She cut him off, resolutely staring him in the eyes. 'I've missed you so fucking much. And I needed you. And you're here. You're always here.'

Effy kissed Cook on the cheek and retreated across the prison yard, pausing at the visitor's entrance to give him one parting Effy Stonem look that he couldn't decipher. Cook was left standing there, laughing slightly, like an idiot, and completely dumbfounded. He was so deep in thought he didn't even realise that the nearby prison guard had ordered 'Time to go back to your cell.'

'What? Oh, right, man.'

As he trudged back along the grey halls, Cook mulled over Effy's words. _What the hell was she on about? She fucking _missed _me? What did she mean when she said she fucked everything up? Me and Freds?_ Cook had no idea what she meant. Obviously the therapy hadn't made her any less cryptic. Every word Effy Stonem spoke was full of hidden meaning but he liked that about her. It was always a challenge to get in her head. As he pondered those words a new hope washed over him. He didn't know why, and he knew he probably shouldn't let the idea creep into his head. She loved _Freddie_, not him. Why would she ever love him? But Cook couldn't help himself. He was positively brimming with anticipation and he felt a bounce in his stride as he returned to his dreary, grey cell. He couldn't wait to see her at the next visitors' day, never mind that it was only for an hour at best. _I think I can handle this place_, Cook thought. Two weeks. It was only two more weeks until he saw his Effy again.

* * *

As Effy caught the train back to the hospital she thought about her meeting with Cook. He looked just like she thought he would: tired, bored, lonely, but still happy to see her. She remembered the last time she laughed that much. It was the last time she was in hospital and she had watched Panda running away from the hospital staff on the lawn. She smiled at the memory.

There were hundreds of thoughts bouncing around her head after seeing Cook for the first time in such a long time, yet her mind was remarkably clear. She still loved him. After all this time, she still loved him. She couldn't believe herself, sometimes.

She didn't visit him again after that day. Once again, Effy didn't see Cook for months.

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**Hello lovely readers! So, the plot thickens. Please tell me what you think by hitting the REVIEW BUTTON below. Any suggestions or comments are welcome. x**


	5. Exoneration

**Disclaimer: I do not own Skins in any way, shape or form. :(**

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Cook didn't know why Effy hadn't come to visit again. She hadn't even contacted him to explain. After around six months in prison he had earned the right to Release on Temporary Licence since he was a fairly low security prisoner and hadn't tried to escape again. He could go out for one day a month subject to good behaviour and his performance in his community service as long as he wore an ankle GPS tracker, was back by eight and didn't stray from the specified boundaries. Cook didn't mind the rules, though. He got to get out of the prison with all those grey walls. He knew exactly what day he would apply for leave. He took his release on the third day of the seventh month of his sentence.

Buttoning up his cardigan against the autumn wind, so glad it wasn't coloured grey, he headed for the train station with a cigarette in hand. Stepping outside of those walls was the best he had felt since Effy came to visit. It was a rare, cloudless day and it was full of potential. It was pregnant.

* * *

It was a long time coming and Effy wasn't sure how she felt. She'd been so safe until then, so protected by the white walls and soft carpet and kind people. Packing the last of her shirts, she looked out the window and smiled. She zipped up the bag. At least it was sunny.

'Hey, princess.'

Effy froze. She couldn't believe it. She turned to face him slowly. He had that stupid, lopsided grin on his face that always made her smile too.

'Cook,' she stated, completely unfazed by his random materialisation. 'How did you get here?' The morning light shone behind her and he thought she looked a little like an angel. The most fragile and broken angel that ever was, if that was possible.

'Our J is useful after all, hey? He told me you were gettin' out of the loony bin today. Thought someone ought to celebrate with you, hey, peachy?' Cook kept smiling that lopsided grin.

'Oh. But how did you get out of gaol?'

'I've been a good boy and earned a day off. It was fucking hard, believe me. You know how many fucking fights I had to stand down from to get here today? And how much rubbish I've collected on highways?'

'Well come on, then. You can get the bus with me. It's a nice day, at least.'

_Perfect_, Cook thought. He wasn't sure if he was thinking of the weather or Effy.

They rode the bus in comfortable silence, Effy leaning on his shoulder. She looked tired. She always looked tired to him. Except at least now the physical and emotional scars were beginning to heal. She really was looking better. They'd barely exchanged a few sentences in the hour they'd been together and Cook didn't care. He didn't mind that his shoulder was going numb, either. There wasn't anywhere he'd rather be. 'How come your mum didn't come pick you up?'

Effy sighed. 'She hasn't taken everything too well. First Tony, then dad, then me. I'm surprised she didn't end up in the hospital herself. Although she _did_ end up at AA for a while-'

Cook snorted. He knew that would happen. '-and a few months ago she went on a holiday to France and she hasn't come back. She got a job there. I guess she's kind of living there or something. She has a flat, but I don't know how long the lease is. She calls every few days, though.'

'Wow,' was all he could say. Suddenly the hum of the bus seemed too loud. 'How are you gonna manage, Eff?'

'It's okay, I guess. Mum and dad paid for the hospital and mum pays the bills and it's not like I have to pay rent…I guess now I just have to pay for groceries and spliff and my crazy pills. I learnt how to cook when mum went loopy after Tony got hit.' Effy gave a sad smile. 'The worst bit is that I have a three bedroom house and no one to fill it. Although Katie will come round. That'll do.' She pressed the stop button, pretending not to care that she was alone. Cook patted her hand.

The house was in a right state and they spent all morning cleaning downstairs, occasionally talking about memories from _before_ this all happened, careful to avoid talking about themselves or Freddie. They got some chips from up the road and ate them on Effy's bed. When she took a big, red pill with her lunch without even thinking, Cook was reminded just how fucked up she was and just how long she still had to go until she was really okay.

Effy was thinking about all that had ever happened in her room. How many times they had fucked in her bed, how she had lived here with Freddie the last time her mum was gone and how _wrong _it all was. Now she was here with Cook and it was the happiest she'd felt since she last saw him, and it felt horrible. _You're going to get hurt, Effy, that's why you never went back to visit him. He doesn't _love_ you, and you're meant to love _Freddie_, _he_ was your boyfriend._ Effy shook the thoughts from her mind.

'How come they let you out of the hospital?' Cook took Effy by surprise.

'Dunno, really. They said they think I can manage okay now. But I still have to see Amy once a fortnight. And I have to take the pills forever, or the voices will come back. But I guess that's a decent price to pay for being alive. At least I want to live, now.' She laughed a mirthless laugh.

He nodded. 'Well I'm glad you're out. ' He clapped her on the back. Effy didn't reply.

Cook lay down on the bed, shoes still on. 'Why didn't you visit when you said you would? It's so fucking boring. JJ's only visited once since you came to see me. He's always fucking busy at uni doing some kind of genius shit. And Blondie sent me a postcard. That's it, Eff.'

Effy lay down beside him and snuggled into his side, wrapping her leg over his. He put his arm around her waist and stared at the ceiling. They lay in silence for a long time.

'I was scared,' she whispered. He looked down into her eyes. She looked embarrassed, he thought.

'Of what, babe?'

'I dunno. Everything that has happened. Life. I just want to forget it all.' She buried further into his side, murmuring 'Too much, it's all too much.'

'I know, Eff. We all miss Freds.' He completely misread what she said. 'You'll keep getting better, you know that. You've got friends who'll help. And I'll be eligible for parole in three months.'

She lifted her head at that. 'Really, will you?' _Shit_, she thought. She thought she'd have more time to forget about loving him.

* * *

As they waited for Cook to get the train back 'home' to gaol they sat on a bench, backs to the wind. He wondered how she always managed in the cold when wearing so little clothes.

'Where are you gonna live when you get out? You don't have any money,' Effy said matter-of-factly.

'Dunno, babe. No fucking clue.' He shook his leg almost nervously. He didn't know why he was so worried about something that would normally be a trivial fact. In the past he would've slept on a park bench or couch surfed. Maybe he was starting to grow up a little. Prison was good for something. Or maybe it was the fact that his best friend was murdered.

'If you need a place to crash I have two spare bedrooms.' _Why, oh _why_, did you just say that?_ Effy wanted to pinch herself. She just couldn't herself, sometimes. No self-control. Probably the same reason she did drugs and fucked in the nurse's office at college.

'Thanks, Effy. You're a top fucking chick, you know?' He passed his cigarette to her for a drag. Before she inhaled she looked him straight in the eyes and said 'Fuck you, Cook.' But she was smiling. They sat in silence sharing the cigarette until they saw the train approaching. Cook stood and looked at Effy. 'Well, time for me to go peachy. It's good seein' you look better.'

'Thanks for helping clean the house.' She stubbed out the cigarette and he walked to the edge of the platform as the doors opened. She took a few bold steps after him. 'Cook?'

'Yeah, princess?'

'Why'd you come see me anyway?' Just like he had asked when she came to see him at the gaol. Cook turned to face her. _Fuck it,_ he thought. He was usually the kind of guy that spoke his mind. He was sure Freddie wouldn't mind. He'd just want them to be happy. _Is it okay, Freds?_ He looked to the dark evening sky for some kind of answer and seemed to know it was. No matter what happened between them Freddie and Cook would always love each other. Always. _Ah well, _no_ time like the present._

Effy fiddled with a hole in her fishnets until he spoke. 'Well…' Mirroring Effy a few months ago, he looked her straight in the eyes. 'I missed you, Effy.' He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. The corners of Effy's mouth were tilting upward, begging her to let herself smile. Cook knew she wanted to and he thought for a second, maybe, just maybe, she might feel the same way. He felt the now familiar hope and anticipation creep into his bones. Effy opened her mouth to speak but Cook was already boarding the train. The doors slid shut and she was left standing in the wind, dumbfounded and smiling stupidly. Cook had never seen anything so beautiful. He laughed to himself.

* * *

A/N So I wasn't sure whether to keep writing this due to lack of feedback. But I decided to do this chapter coz this'll be a decent place to stop if no one is reading. If you read, yes **YOU** there, reading this A/N right now. Please a review, even if brief. It is very disappointing to see hundreds of people view the story but only a few review. I really would like to know how I can improve my writing, incorporate peoples' ideas, or whether I should stop writing this altogether. Let me know if I should continue or give up by hitting the button below. It took me 2 hours to type up this chapter and it'll only take 2 mins to review.


	6. Home

**Disclaimer: Skins is not mine, and will never be. :(**

* * *

It had been ten months, three weeks and six days. He didn't mind that it was freezing cold outside and looked like rain soon. It smelled like freedom to him. He carried all his possessions in a bag and wore what didn't fit in it. The parole hearing had gone swimmingly, he thought. A year previous he'd never have thought he could stay out of trouble for that long, and it certainly had been hard. The last few months of his sentence he'd even picked up extra community service hours to make sure he was in the warden's good books, because he _needed_ to get out. He used his other few days earned out of prison to do some cash in hand work at Keith's pub which Cook figured he'd need since his dad had fucked off altogether and his mother wasn't talking to him again. He was starting to go crazy in gaol, and, more importantly, Effy was still alone and he worried she might regress if she was left to her own dark thoughts. Her mother had no plans of returning to England any time soon, she had told Cook in a letter.

Effy's letters kept him motivated to pick up rubbish on highways. They came randomly, only when she had something interesting to say. She told him how she fixed up the house, about parties she went to with Katie, how she learned to sew a button when Pato's eye fell off, that Amy said she could start working a day or two a week if she felt up to it, and how she didn't like her grumpy, old manager at her new workplace. One time she mentioned that she was scared to sleep in the big house alone, but that was as much as she ever let on. She never called in case she said something she'd regret. At least when she wrote letters she could erase what she didn't want to say and what she needed to take back. Cook read and reread the letters several times and always found himself grinning at the words she wrote. He even loved the way she crossed the T's differently to the F's. Prison had been tolerable the last few months.

When he stepped across the threshold of the gate to the complex he turned, flipped the gaol the bird and pulled his two cardigans across his chest. He felt oddly triumphant. Cook walked to the train station in the freezing afternoon drizzle not giving a shit about anything and feeling on top of the world.

* * *

Going with his usual _don't give a fuck about anything_ philosophy, he knocked on the door three times. When she opened the door and saw Cook grinning happily at her, her eyes almost fell out of her head. He hadn't told her his parole had been granted.

'Hey peachy, how goes it?' She was silent. His smile faltered. Maybe he shouldn't have come. 'You gonna make me stand in the rain all day?' More silence. But she stepped out of the doorway and he took it as a signal to proceed. Dumping his stuff in the hallway, they went upstairs to her room. Like a few months before, they sat on her bed together. They were silent for a long while and Cook was waiting for Effy to hit him or kick him in the bollocks or maybe even put out her cigarette on his arm, but she didn't do anything. That made him worried. Finally, she spoke instead. 'You didn't tell me your parole was granted.'

'Well, surprise!' He snatched the smoke from between her fingers as it travelled to her mouth. He inhaled deeply and she growled at him. She needed that cigarette. Her mind was in a complete spin. _Why didn't he tell me? What am I doing sitting here with him?_

'Cook, give it back!'

'No way, no how, babe. This spliff represents my fuckin' freedom. First one since I got out... Besides, I don't have much money for spliff these days, do I?'

'So you think you can knick mine?' He shrugged. 'You show up on _my_ fucking doorstep, steal _my_ spliff and I'm meant to be celebrating with you?' She reached to her bedside table and took her red pill with a swig of vodka, the nearest drink. What would Freddie have said if he knew Cook had started hanging round the girl he _died_ to protect? Wouldn't he have been happy that the two people he loved most were happy together? _I'm sorry Freddie. I know it's wrong. I just can't help it. I _love_ him. _She apologised in her head to her boyfriend who had been dead almost a year. He was still haunting her. God, she missed him.

'Fuck's sake, Eff, take it.' He rolled his eyes and handed it back. She was always so dramatic, but he loved that about her anyway.

'Why didn't you tell me your parole was granted, Cook? I could've come and picked you up. Mum left the car when she moved to France.'

He shrugged again. 'Dunno, babe. Nice surprise, though, innit?' He tried to make it sound like a joke, but she could see the wariness written all over his face. No one could read Cook like she could. She couldn't believe Cook was worrying about whether she'd want to see him. Actually, she could believe it. He wasn't as tough as people thought.

Effy bit her lip to keep from smiling. 'Fuck off; now I have to clean up after you, too. You better not destroy this house,' she said seriously. 'It took me bloody ages to get it this decent.'

'Effy Stonem, have you gone all house-wife on me?' He nudged his arm against hers. 'You gonna start popping babies out now and make me roast dinners and that?' They both laughed a little nervously. 'But really, Eff, is it okay if I stay here?'

'Course, Cook. For as long as you want. Just try not to be a prick. And put the toilet seat down. Then everything will be cool.' They lapsed into laughter.

'Sure thing, peachy. Deal.'

Cook unpacked all his things in the room that had once been Effy's before she moved into Tony's room. She had painted the walls a plain white- a blank canvas. He felt a strange sense of comfort and belonging, like he had finally come home, even though he had never lived there. Maybe it was because Effy did.

Cook blu-tacked his favourite picture of Freddie, JJ and himself above the bedhead. The one of them dressed in costume. He touched his finger to Freddie's smiling face. 'She misses you, man... I hope it's okay that I'm staying here, Freds. But Cookie needs the love, too, eh?' He usually told him about his day in his head. He thought Freddie could probably hear it wherever he was. He didn't often speak to Freddie out loud, so it must have been important. He smiled, not caring in the slightest that he was talking to a picture. 'I'll take care of her, man. I love her.' He walked over to the window and looked up at the sky forlornly, as if Freddie might be out there. Talking to the clouds, he whispered 'I miss you,' and tried to put missing Freddie out of his mind for a little while to enjoy being a free man. He heard Effy's footsteps as he was getting changed. Cook looked to the picture again. 'I really fucking love you, you bastard.'

Effy felt a little odd, like Cook should be unpacking those things into her room, his shirts folded alongside hers. She had once been so used to sharing a bed with him, sharing someone else's cupboard with him, sharing a motel or a back seat of a car…always with him. She remembered their outlaw tour of Britain. They went to one small, shitty town after another, they weren't even heading anywhere, and they were fucked off their faces most of the time. All she had wanted to do was go home and be with Freddie and once she was, she realised that it had been the best time ever. And she'd thrown it away.

She walked into his new room, not caring to knock. He was halfway through taking off some of the superfluous layers of clothes, now that he had a set of draws. Effy was taken aback to see him half naked for the first time in, what seemed to her, eons._ Too long_, it had been, she thought. He had definitely put on some more muscle. She felt a pang of need and a whole lot of desire that she had tried to supress for too long. The almost year he spent in prison, and even those looks they exchanged when she was with Freddie; she'd always wanted him back. But then he'd stopped chasing her, he'd given up. She recalled his parting words last time they were together: 'I missed you, Effy.' She thought maybe that meant he loved her after all, that he'd loved her all along even when he'd stopped trying to win her. She hoped, anyway. She really didn't know anymore.

Cook looked a little like a stunned mullet when he noticed Effy standing just inside the doorway, eyeing him off, but quickly recovered. 'Being employed has its perks, you know, Cook.'

'Yeah? What's that, babe?'

'Money .'

'What are you gettin' at?'

'_You_ might not have any money.' She took a few tentative steps towards him. 'But I get paid every week. So let's celebrate tonight. My shout. How do you feel about getting monumentally fucked up?'

'What you got? Pills?'

'Pills, weed, booze and MDMA.'

He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. 'You are my _fucking_ hero, Effy Stonem. Did you know that?' She laughed at his words, not realising how genuine they were.

'So…do you want to go out tonight? Katie wants to go clubbing. Maybe you could ask JJ to come, too.'

'Effy, please, babe. Do you even need to ask? It's been too fucking long since a party has had the pleasure of my presence.' He forgot about putting on a shirt and she led him to her drug stash. There was at least £40 of weed, four bottles of vodka, one of whiskey, seven pills and six MDMA caps. She must have spent half her money on collecting drugs for a rainy day…or for Cook's _homecoming_.

They started off with some vodka and by smoking a few joints. Cook felt great. They lay on her bed smoking and everything was right. 'This is nice. I'm glad you're home,' she said.

'Yeah, _home…_' They were quiet, listening to the music on the stereo and breathing in their release from their fucked up lives. 'Fucking great stash you got here, Eff,' he spoke lazily. His mind was cloudy and it was so good. Her eyes were shut and all she said was 'Only I can get such a cheap deal for quality stuff like this.' His eyes were shut, too, and he wasn't really thinking by then.

'Ah, Eff, one of the many reasons I love you.' Her eyes snapped open.

* * *

**A/N I decided to continue due to some kind reviews that spurred me on! I really struggled with this chapter, to spit out the words how they sounded in my head. It was tricky but I got there in the end. Please let me know what you love and hate, and if you think all that effort spent on the chapter gave a good result. I'm still unsure how I feel about this one.**


	7. Revelations

**Disclaimer: I don't own Skins and I'm just borrowing this for a bit of fun!**

* * *

She looked over to Cook and stared at him. So. It seemed he did still love her. _Or does he? _She thought. _Maybe he meant it as friends. I've always loved _him _as a friend, even before I fell in love with him. I broke his heart then got his best friend killed. He couldn't possibly feel that way about me, again-still-…could he?_

Cook looked back at her in horror, taking several drags of the spliff to calm himself. Effy decided not to say anything, instead getting up and walking to the wardrobe to change into an outfit for that evening. She ripped off her clothes, not caring that Cook was looking at her. Cook was trying to remain a façade of nonchalance while he spied upon her slender frame. _Arse still as perfect as ever_, he thought, feeling another pang of longing and need in both his heart and his body. He watched her slip on a dangerously short dress and knew all the boys would be looking at her when they went out. He was fiercely jealous of them at the thought. She looked over her shoulder to sneak a glance at Cook and he quickly averted his eyes. Effy looked at herself in the mirror, wondering how everything in her short but eventful life had boiled down to this moment- sneaking looks at the boy she was in love with who was also a convicted criminal and had beaten up the guy who murdered her boyfriend who she'd picked to date over the one she _really_ loved. She could be so daft sometimes. No wonder she sometimes felt that she was born backwards. She shook her head at the incredible thoughts she had managed to conjure. It would be an interesting night out, she decided; very interesting. 'Ready to go, Cook?'

* * *

They met JJ at the bus stop before stopping in at Keith's Pub, where they ordered disgustingly greasy dinners and started on some shots of tequila. Cook sat at the bar talking to Keith for a long time and while they waited, Effy and JJ talked. She had never been especially close to JJ since she had ruined all their lives and gotten his best friend killed, but ever since Cook went away they had grown closer; united by a mutual dependency of his infectious laugh and don't-give-a-fuck attitude, and counting the days until they'd see him again. 'It is rather good that Cook's back, isn't it, Effy?' JJ was positively beaming. It was the first time JJ had seen his living best friend in a while.

'Yeah, it's well good. I bet you're glad to see him.'

'Of course, who else would tell me when I'm being too much of a pussy and give me advice when Lara does strange girl things that I can't quite comprehend?'

Effy laughed out loud. 'Uh, JJ, I don't exactly think that Cook is the authority on relationships. He's not very good at them.'

'No, I guess not. After all he did bugger it all up with you, didn't he? Maybe I should be telling him to stop being a pussy and just ask you out.' JJ realised what he'd said and froze. 'Oops. That one was for the vault, wasn't it? Shit. I'm an idiot. Fuck. Fuck-'

Effy interrupted before he got locked on. 'Ready for a big night, JJ?' She asked loudly.

JJ awkwardly tried to recover from his blunder and began rambling. 'Well, not exactly. I mean, of course the night will be of epic proportions due to the nature of it. That being Cook's return and the reunion of our little group of friends…' Effy had stopped listening. She was concentrating hard on what JJ had said. All she could think was _fuck. So, he does love me._ _What_ was she getting herself into? She smiled slightly anyway, excitement washing through her bones. '…I wouldn't exactly call us _friends_, more so people who know each other and have come to depend on each other because we have no one else. But I can't stay out too late as my mother requested I be home at a reasonable time. She seems to think that all unsupervised activities will result in my impregnation of Lara despite the fact that we take all necessary precautions. Though, thinking about it, she never _actually_ stipulated what a reasonable time to return would be, so-'

'Shut up, gay J. Guess what guys?' Cook drunkenly ambled over to the booth.

'What?' JJ and Effy said in unison.

'Keith offered me a job!' The night was just getting better and better, he thought. Soon enough he would be able to afford his own spliff.

'That's great news, Cook!' JJ patted him on the back.

'Yeah, it's well brilliant.' Effy chinked glasses with him before taking a swig of her drink.

'You know what this means?' Cook cracked a grin. By the time they would reach the club and meet up with Katie, Effy and Cook would well and truly plastered and JJ would be struggling to keep them from walking onto the busy Bristol roads and tripping over rubbish bins. Oh yes, Effy knew what it meant. Cook chanted 'More drinks! More drinks! _More drinks, more drinks, more drinks!_'

* * *

**A/N: Firstly, sorry for the delay in posting! You know how it is, Christmas, New Years, I went away, I was uninspired, I was busy...but mostly I was just lazy. I'd rather sleep than do anything else. But here it is. I wanted this chapted to be longer but it just wouldn't budge. =S so I didn't force myself to go onto the next scene and write absolute crap. Please read & review! Also, to my fellow Aussies, I hope you're enjoying your summer holidays!**


	8. Celebration

Dear readers,

Yay! New chapter! And it's a longer one so hopefully worth the wait. I think it's kinda pretty fluffy, but who doesn't love a bit of fluff? Also, while I did review this, I wrote this all today after a night of heavy drinking and only 90 mins sleep. So, sorry if there's errors ahoy.

Let me know what you think with a tasty review,

Angie. x

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognise is not mine- I do not own Skins! If I did Effy and Cook would have driven off into the sunset and Freddy wouldn't have been bludgeoned to death. :D**

* * *

Excitement washed through Effy as she swayed to the music in the club. Her mind reeled at the secret JJ had divulged earlier. She had had at least 6 vodka lemon and limes and a few shots, not to mention the pills she'd taken. She saw Katie from across the room and they met in the middle.

'Hey bitch, what's up?' Sometimes Effy couldn't believe she'd become such good friends with a girl she once hit over the head with a rock- a girl who listened to rap music and wore leopard print skirts. Effy never saw it coming. But she thought perhaps such polar opposites were _bound_ to attract.

'Do you want pills?' Effy shouted. Katie nodded and Effy not-so-discretely dropped two in Katie's mouth. After swallowing the pills- which tasted like washing powder, of course- Katie vigourously wiggled her eyebrows at Effy.

'What?' Effy said, playing innocent. Katie yanked Effy's arm and led her to sit in a quieter area.

'Don't give me that shit! Have you two fucked yet?'

'WHAT?' Effy screeched in response. 'No!'

Katie scoffed and rolled her eyes at her friend. 'You so want to. You wouldn't scream in my ear if you didn't. You think you're so mysterious, Effy Stonem, but I can read you like a book. Maybe almost as good as Cook- or Tony!' Effy doubted that. No one knew her as well as them. But still, Katie was right. She couldn't lie to her.

'Is it that obvious? Does he know?'

'You're an idiot, Effy. Best friends just _know_ these things.' Katie grinned. 'Anyway babes, when are you gonna fuck him?'

'_I'm_ not doing anything. We're just celebrating his freedom for now. He got a job, too, at the pub.' Katie thought to herself, _I _always _need to take matters into my own hands. I'm a pretty ace matchmaker after all._

'Speaking of, where _is_ Cook?' Katie wondered aloud. As if on cue Cook came stumbling through a part in the dance floor, a beer in each hand. He had done some MDMA caps and was high as a kite.

'Katie fucking Fitch, how the fuck are ya? Haven't seen those mint tits in ages!' Cook bellowed. He grabbed her in a bear hug as Katie rolled her eyes, wondering if he was just trying to cop a feel. He could be absolutely shameless sometimes.

'I'm fine, Cook. Enjoying freedom? Looks like it.' Cook winked at her. And whispering so that Effy couldn't hear, she said 'Effy's in love with you. She wants to fuck your brains out.' And then, loudly, she said with a tone of finality 'anyway I'll be back in a bit, I'm gonna use the loo and get some more drinks. And find JJ!' Katie very conveniently left. Effy wondered what she said. Knowing her friend she thought she should probably have been worried.

Cook broke into a grin and pulled Effy to the packed centre of the dance floor where there were so many bodies he wasn't sure whose hands were groping whose bodies. Cook didn't mind though. He loved the way everything was so sweaty and hazy and free. And his had his favourite person in the world beside him. _Luckiest,_ he thought. Effy and Cook danced together and Cook thought it might be now or never, and decided to just go for it. He let his hands slide around Effy's waist and he pulled her toward himself. Just like the time he had done this with Emily while watching Crystal Castles, except now he had the right girl. Plus she wasn't a lesbian.

At last, he had her in his arms. Effy tilted her head back to rest on Cook's shoulder as they swayed uncharacteristically slowly to the energetic dubstep. Effy didn't seem to protest so Cook let himself slide his hands all over her body. He let the feel of the bass vibrating in his chest mix with the feeling of Effy's soft skin. It felt so good. He'd missed her too much.

Effy had her eyes closed but was smiling lazily up at Cook. He hungrily kissed her neck and Effy elicited a small moan of frustrated pleasure. _Enough of this bullshit_, she thought and she grabbed Cook by the collar, looking him dead in the eye. She crashed her lips into his. She couldn't believe she'd waited this long. Cook lost any shred of rational thought he may have had when Effy lips met his. He thought he might be dying for a second there. It was everything and nothing at once. It was perfect.

* * *

They burst through the door of the unisex bathrooms pulling at each other's clothes, too high to care if anyone saw them. They had passed Katie, who'd found JJ and were together mingling with some work friends of Katie's. Katie had shouted out 'finally' and all Effy could do was give her the finger. Her lips were a bit busy trying to touch as much of Cook's skin as possible, trying to memorise every line and mark and curve.

Cook pushed Effy roughly up against the wall and his hand slid up her thigh and toward her underwear. She reached for the buttons on his pants and worked them down. His arousal was unashamedly obvious and he pressed himself against her, grinding against her bony hips. 'Fucking hell, Eff,' he grunted into her neck. Effy almost had his pants around his ankles when she paused in her tracks. For the first time ever she wasn't okay with fucking Cook just anywhere while absolutely shit faced. 'No,' she said.

'What's wrong, peachy?'

'No, this isn't right.' Cook's face fell. He knew it must have been too good to be true. Who was he to kid himself into thinking Effy would want him after all that had happened?

'Fuck…' was all he said. It was more of a whisper to himself. She sensed his disappointment.

'Sorry, Cook,' Effy said while adjusting her clothing. 'I want it just as badly. But I just want to do this right. In a bed. Sober. No pills, no vodka, just us, for once.' She walked out the door. Effy sure was good at fucking with Cook's head, he thought. This explanation matched up with Katie's whisperings earlier. He dashed after Effy, content with the promise of a spectacular shag in the not-so-distant future. Just them. The thought made Cook smile.

* * *

Once they were home they were almost sober and had come down from their highs. Both exhausted, the climbed into bed with their clothes still on. Without thinking Cook followed Effy to her room and climbed into her bed. And without thinking, Effy pressed herself into his side, trying to get herself as close to his skin as she possibly could. He wrapped an arm around her tightly. He was never going to leave this again. 'Night, Eff,' Cook mumbled. For that night, at least, they could just be.


	9. Truth

Hello readers, if any of you are left, I have returned. I owe you an explanation as to my absence: I simply did not feel like writing. But lately I have gotten my mojo back so here is the next chapter. Know that I haven't forgotten about the story/I WILL finish it even if it takes me 5 years [but I already have plans for the next chapter, dw!] so stick around. I'm actually really happy with this chapter and I put a lot of effort into it so please let me know your thoughts on it.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Skins, I just get to play with my favourite pairing from time to time. :D**

* * *

Effy hadn't slept so well since she was a child. Yawning, she kept her eyes closed for fear of it all being a wonderful dream. She stretched out then snuggled up to Cook. _He _is_ here_, she thought. _Fuck._ She opened one eye and was startled to see him staring right at her. Cook gave her his cocky, pleased-with-himself grin.

'Morning princess, good sleep?' Effy couldn't reply. She was stunned, taking everything in as she remembered the night before. Cook just laughed at her and threw his arm around her small frame, pulling her to him. 'Ha, I get it, bit blank, are you?' _Not really, more like shitting myself._ 'Me too. Let's deal with our hangovers, then, eh? How 'bout some grub- what say you?'

* * *

After spending the morning eating greasy hangover food, watching TV and hanging about the house smoking, Cook and Effy got ready and headed out to the streets of Bristol. It was an unusually sunny, pleasant afternoon and Effy was basking in it [and conveniently avoiding thinking about the night before- despite having valid reason, she felt like a right twat for rejecting Cook at the club when she'd already gotten his pants down; talk about awkward]. They walked somewhat aimlessly, in silence, both stuck in their private reveries.

After wandering around the streets they were so familiar with they found themselves in front of Freddie's house without realising it. They had slowed to a stop across the road from the home of a boy they both loved. Cook was the first to realise. He nudged Effy and pointed it out to her. She looked a little surprised that they had somehow ended up there.

'Man, I miss him so much, Eff.'

'Same here.' Effy looked up at Freddie's house a little sadly.

'But you know what? For the first time, I'm not so sad about it. I mean, we loved Freds and we're always gonna love him and I'll always be sad about it and miss him, but for the first time I feel like we'll be alright.' Cook smiled at Effy with hope in his eyes.

'Hmm. Yeah, I don't feel so guilty anymore. I feel like he's forgiven us.' _Forgiven us for being in love. _She didn't know Cook felt the same way. 'And at least we've got each other, now. Being fucked up together is better than being fucked up alone,' Effy said with a small laugh and kept walking.

'See ya, Freds,' Cook said to the house. He wasn't sure what Effy meant by 'he's forgiven us', but he knew that if Freddie was looking down on them, he'd be happy that they were happy. So, Cook reasoned, it was practically his duty to love Effy in order to make his best mate happy upstairs. _I'm so clever_, he thought.

They continued walking and ended up at a park where they'd been many times before. Effy, especially, had been taken there many times by her mother when Tony and she were getting too much for Anthea to handle. Their mother would let them run amok and Effy would laugh as Tony chased her. The memory made her feel free. Sometimes she forgot what that was like, between doing grown up things like working, or being made to take pills and being a prisoner of her own mind. Cook had been there for parties and had shagged a few girls there. He thought that was a good reason to have some appreciation for the bit of grass they were standing on.

Effy headed towards a bench which overlooked a lot of Bristol's houses and housing estates. Taking in the view and the weak sunshine, she noticed Cook coming over to join her. Cook sat beside Effy, sparked up a cigarette and drew a long, relaxing drag from it, before passing it over to her. Absently, Effy inhaled the smoke. 'I had fun last night,' she said.

'Me too,' Cook replied.

'I was so fucked up,' Effy said with mirth.

'So was I, I hardly remember anything.'

'Oh,' she replied, crestfallen. 'Really?' Had he forgotten about their kiss and almost-shag?

'Well, I remember the _highlights_, obviously. You…_kissed_ me, and we…'

'Yeah,' Effy said awkwardly. _Is she _embarrassed? _Effy Stonem, the Queen of Cool, is embarrassed_, Cook thought. _That's new._

'It was fucking tops, if you were wondering.'

'Ha!' Effy looked away, feeling like a complete douchebag.

'I really wanted to shag you last night.'

'Me too.' Suddenly, she found kicking a stick on the ground to be very interesting.

'I still do. I always do.'

'Me too. We've always had a thing, haven't we? As much as a prick you were, you always somehow managed to fuck me…' That stick was really, _really_ interesting.

'It's coz you're fuckin' sexy, babe.' Effy remained silent. She snapped the stick in half with her feet. Cook decided to throw caution to the win. 'But it's not just that. Since day one, you know, when you licked the sauce off my face-' He paused to laugh. Effy laughed too. She was so fit and mysterious back then, before she went crazy and her boyfriend was murdered and Cook was sent to gaol. '-well, I know I've told you before but I was being a right prick back then...but, I can't stand fucking about anymore. You have to know that I- I love you Effy, I really do. I mean it.'

Suddenly the stick wasn't so important and Effy turned to face Cook. She smiled; a proper, genuine, smile with no mystery or secrecy behind it. She was just…happy.

'I love you, too.' Cook laughed out loud at the relief of hearing her say it. It was a huge guffaw that only Cook could produce; the kind of laugh that made everyone else light up. It was infectious and Effy started laughing, too. She loved the way the words sounded when she spoke them. 'I love you!' They beamed widely at each other and Cook pulled her into a hug.

'Ah, peachy, you don't know how good it is to hear you say that.' Then he kissed her. He put everything he felt into kissing Effy Stonem. It was different to every other time they'd ever kissed. There was no pretence, no one was playing games, and they weren't hurting anyone by giving into their feelings. Everything was just _right_ for once in their sad, unfortunate lives.

Effy smiled into the kiss and groaned a little bit. 'Finally,' was all she could whisper against his lips. She pulled away and buried her face into Cook's neck. She thought she could stay like that for the rest of the day. She would have, too, if the clouds weren't coming in again. 'You know, Cook, I used to come here all the time as a kid. I loved it. Now I have more reason to love it.' Effy looked at him matter-of-factly. Cook just laughed some more.

They stood to walk home before they got caught in the rain, and Cook took Effy's hand in his. It felt warm and familiar, and there was nowhere she'd rather be. It had been so long since she had held his hand. She didn't really care that she looked like a sappy love sick desperado [even though she secretly was one beneath her cool, mysterious exterior] because she had finally gotten what she wanted after so long. It was relieving.

* * *

They were almost home when Cook had a thought. 'You know, Eff, we ain't ever had a proper date. You know, like normal people have.'

'You're right.' She looked up at him expectantly.

'Tonight then, eh? It's a date.'

* * *

**A/N Please, please, please let me know what you think of it. It took me days to write this, and it will only take a minute of your precious time to review it. Feel free to send me hate mail for being away so long. :D**


	10. Adventure

**Last night, for some reason, I had this weird dream I was Cook's girlfriend and I was kinda like Effy and it was us against the world. It gave me reason to write this morning. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Skins. I just wish I was Effy and my boyfriend was Cook. :D**

* * *

Effy couldn't believe she was stressing about what to wear on a date with Cook. It wasn't exactly like she had to impress him; he'd have loved her just the same if she was wearing a paper bag. In fact he'd probably like that it showed off her legs more. And he only ever wore what clean-ish clothes he could find on his bedroom floor. Nonetheless, she spent an hour trying to figure it out, before settling on skinny jeans and a singlet top with some boots. She still wasn't sure if she looked good or not. She scrunched up her face in the mirror and headed down stairs before she could change her mind again. She ate her dinner and took her pill. She headed to the front door and yelled out 'ready, Cook?' It was so weird to being going on a first date with a boy she lived with. But they had never really done anything the conventional way.

Cook actually managed to put on clean clothes. Although, they were only clean because Effy had done his laundry. The important thing, however, was that he had made a huge effort to actually look decent. He didn't understand how he could feel so nervous when he'd seen Effy naked about a thousand times already. She did some strange things to his head, she really did.

He stepped out of the bathroom when she called his named and headed down stairs to greet her. She smiled at him and could not, for the life of her, figure out why she had butterflies in her stomach. 'Let's go, babe,' Cook said.

Cook drove Effy's car [well, Anthea's car] west for what seemed like an eternity, but was in actuality only an hour or so. 'Where are we going?' Effy asked partway through the journey. She'd left the date planning up to him and she wasn't so sure he even had a plan.

'You'll see; nothin' like a bit of mystery, ay peachy?' Cook smirked at Effy and kept driving. It reminded her of their outlaw tour of Britain. She didn't know where she was, she didn't know where she was going. But this time it was different; there was no guilt, no drink, and no problems they were running from. Effy had settled back into her seat in contented silence for the remainder of the drive.

Once they'd driven maybe an hour and a half, they ended up in the middle of nowhere. Cook thought maybe they were in or near Grafton or something like that, but there weren't many signs around. That didn't matter anyway. He pulled the car to a stop on the side of a road and hopped out. Effy followed him as he climbed over a fence with a box in his hands, slightly confused. Effy looked back at the car sitting on the side of the road. 'Cook, what are we doing here?'

They walked to the top of the tallest paddock around them and he said 'here. Turn around.' Frowning, Effy turned to the side and was greeted by a spectacular sight. It was dark but the light from the moon and the stars illuminated the nearest paddocks. They were dotted with cows and sheep, and the grass shone a deep green in the semi-darkness. 'Oh,' was all she said. She beamed at him. It was beautiful. She wondered how Cook came up with an idea so uncharacteristically romantic.

He sat on the grass and she followed suit as he opened the small box. 'I bought a gateau; black forest.'

'My favourite.' They sat on the grass eating cake and chatting about nothing for a while, before lying down and looking at the sky. It was always one of Effy's favourite things to do. Perhaps it was the only greater enigma than she was, so it made her feel less crazy.

Cook wrapped an arm around Effy and she moulded herself against his side as they relaxed in silence. This was the most at ease they could ever remember being. She looked over to Cook to find him already staring at her, something he seemed to do a lot. 'What?' She asked, with a half-smile.

'Nothing.'

'Why are you staring at me? It's creepy.'

'Coz you're beautiful, babe. And I fucking love you.'

Effy pounced on him. So maybe she wanted to have sex with him sober, but they didn't exactly need a bed to do it after all, did they? There'd be lots of chances for that in the future. Instead, she practically attacked Cook's mouth with her lips and he responded with an equal hunger.

He deepened her kiss while he let his hands explore her body as if he didn't know every inch of it. He led a trail of kisses from her jaw to her neck and down to her breasts. Effy felt like her skin was on fire. After all these years he still had this effect on her. It was scary, but she didn't want it to stop.

Cook worked her jeans down as she undid his trousers. She kissed him on the lips again and let out a gasp as he worked his fingers into her underwear. His touch made her melt into him and she laid on her back, looking up at the stars, letting him take the lead for once.

With a gentleness she didn't know he possessed, Cook kissed her, touched her and entered her. As he moved against her, he looked down at her with love in his eyes. He didn't mind that he'd turned into a love sick puppy. Not when he had Effy to show for it.

Effy looked up at him and whispered 'I fucking love you, too.' With the stars and the moon above them, Cook took them both to orgasm.

* * *

Effy woke up the next morning acutely aware that she was lying on a dewy patch of grass in the arms of Cook. How familiar; they had done this before. She didn't even remember feeling sleepy, let alone dozing off there. She sat up and looked around, before lighting a spliff. It was a beautiful morning and in the sunshine she could see much, much further into the distance. The cows were eating grass and- uh-oh- coming their way on a tractor was who she presumed to be the owner of the farm they'd slept on.

She tapped Cook on the shoulder. As he woke she said 'wake up, we're about to get busted.'

'Fuck.' He jumped up immediately, ready to flee. 'Morning, peachy,' he said, and he gave her a peck on the lips before grabbing her hand and running off. Effy followed behind him, one hand filled with his and the other still holding her morning spliff. She was laughing in between pants for air and holding the stitch at her side when they got back to the car. They managed to get into the car and drive away just as the farmer came over the hill.

Cook let out a bark of laughter. So maybe they were no good at conventional dates, but they still had their fun. In fact, she was glad they did things their way. Fuck normal. They were the two most fucked up people she knew. 'That was fun, eh?' He asked. Effy nodded. 'So it's we've had a date now, is it official?'

'What?'

'We've been fucking around for years. You gonna be my girlfriend or what?'

He couldn't just ask normally, could he? Effy rolled her eyes at him. 'You're a twat. Of course.' And they drove home.

* * *

**So, how did you like it? I hope it wasn't to OOC. Somebody give me feedback on my attempted sex scene. It's the first one I've written coz they make me feel really awkward. I do like reading them, though. :) One more chapter to go, and I have a series of related one shots coming up after that, from an idea I had while writing this. It'll follow directly on from this story.**


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